There is always the need to impress, men more specifically. The need to prove something, that they are capable and self-sufficient, is always apparent. Though this may be true, it doesn’t mean that he has to assert that all the time. In the jungle of dating, online or offline, the man always takes the steering wheel while women are generally more attracted to men who can steer the wheel. Nothing says sexy than a man who knows what he’s doing. Why do you think men rarely ask for directions? They want to be perceived as someone who has full control and can take on any given situation. This kind of trait is attractive to women. However, there is a fine line between being confident and just being cocky.
The main problem in online dating is that most of the time, men come on too strong. It’s not solely because of the personality, the fact that interaction is online accounts for half of that confidence. This is a guide on how to have that exuberant confidence without appearing cocky or turning off women.
1.Never start with “I can” – You are not applying for a job. Sure, you have to impress the woman you like but there are better ways to do that than going on full blast about the things you can do. Women like being surprised. Going all out in explaining all the things you can do would kill the mystery surrounding you and after finding out everything that you can do, the woman might not be that interested in you anymore. Keep a few skills to yourself and once you get out of the online zone, you can surprise her with those latent wall-climbing skills.
Instead use “I like” – Not saying the things you can do would make you boring so a proper balance between the two is needed. You can drop hints of your skills without fully bombarding her with details about how you’re able to break wood with your biceps. Mentioning that you like hiking would give the impression that you’re an outdoorsman. The fact that you have once trekked the Grand Canyon can be left until she asks how much trekking you do. Starting with your accomplishments make you sound arrogant, wait until she asks.
2.Never talk straight for more than 2 minutes – Everyone has made that mistake at least once in their lives, men and women alike. When we are so engrossed in saying something we lose track and then we end up saying “Oh, I’m sorry. I got carried away.” A conversation online is double the effort since the other party wouldn’t be able to hear your voice and your intonation. For you, it might be a grand tale of your exploits but to her, it’s just a wall of text. Unless you’re perfectly articulate in expressing your feelings and she’s a heavy reader, you’d probably bore her enough to not give you that second date.
Instead make her talk by asking the questions – Since conversation is basically an activity between two people, involve her in the conversation by relating the story to her and asking her about her opinion. You may want to dazzle her but she won’t respond unless you involve her. Better yet, start the conversation with a question about her likes rather than a descriptive statement about your own. It translates that you’re interested in her and not how will fit you.
3.Never explain yourself in every statement – Saying “One of the craziest things I did when I was a kid was cut the neighbor’s dog loose” following it up with a lengthy explanation of why you did it and how you did it and how the neighbors found out is not intriguing. It will only make you sound full of yourself. The desire to impress pushes people to speak more than they should coming off as cocky rather than smooth.
Instead, make her ask why – This is also a good gauge to see if she’s listening to you or is interested in what you are saying. If she’s really interested in what you have to say or what you’re all about, she’d want to know more. If you get a resounding “okay” after you just disclosed your most embarrassing moment, you know she’s just not that interested. If she asks why, most probably she’s intrigued by you and would want to know more. We call these conversation-baits.
Confidence is not about bragging about the kind of person you are. Confidence is about being comfortable in the kind of person you are regardless of your kooky habits or your amazing talents. Women are attracted severely to men who can handle themselves well. Online dating consists mostly of conversation and if you have the right disposition and the right mindset, you can impress her without sounding cocky.